Life by Choice Anupama Garg


“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”


To forgive is a gift to self. Most religions and traditions emphasize on forgiveness to self and others as it is essential for our restoration and wellbeing. It concerns nobody but the individual who feels victimized or sees himself as an offender. Forgiving means letting go of the pain and resentment which is seething inside us. Forgiving is not an option but mandatory for our good. Forgiving our self as well as others is an act of self interest more than any other rationale.

Resentment, anger, guilt, the desire to take revenge is like a demon residing within which consumes us. Research shows that people feel significantly negative, angry, sad and less in control during an unforgiving condition than during the forgiving condition. An unforgiving state brings about adverse changes in our physical, mental and emotional states thereby affecting our life adversely in every way. Research has proved that there are definite biological links between fear, anxiety, anger and increased risk of coronary heart disease, allergies and various other ailments which manifest differently in different individuals. Researchers found that mentally nursing a grudge puts our body through the same strain as a major stressful event. The tendency to nurse grievances makes them our allies, which slowly destroy us and lock us out of experiencing the flow of life. Emotions like love and forgiveness enhance physical health, mental clarity and emotional strength.

We are hurt in thousands of ways in a lifetime and have our individual stories of pain and hurt. That is the way life is and we all have our burdens to carry. How we carry them decides the quality of our life. When we harbor bitterness or feeling of resentment for self or others the harm we bring upon our self could result in more grievous consequences than to what the actual incident or the offender has done.

The relevant that when we are angry with someone or something we give the person or situation power over us. A past that cannot be changed should not mar our present. Lingering pain from a negative experience that we have not forgiven causes us to fear a reoccurrence. This fear is bound to influence our present relationships unfavorably. We need to be free from the past and let it be transformational.We do not have to struggle to forgive just make SELF LOVE your priority. Forgiveness is a path to peace and happiness. If we hold a burning coal who do we affect?


 The first step is to feel the pain of being wronged. Time is said to be a healer but any hurt cannot be held on for an extended period.

A pivotal role in turning the victimized feeling towards forgiveness involves trying to understand what factors may have influenced the offending behavior. It helps greatly if we view the situation objectively, as a detached spectator without the feeling of self pity and victimization.

It helps to view the situation from the offender’s perspective.

It helps to go through the times we have wronged and have sought forgiveness.

It helps to see ourselves as survivors and not victims.

It helps to look at how it helped us and the contribution it made to our growth even though it could be a challenge to do so. Nevertheless it still is necessary.

It helps to focus on the good things that life has offered us and being grateful for it.

If we have faith in God/ Universe our faith should enable us to understand that whatever has happened fits perfectly well in the larger picture of things and occurred to offer us some valuable lessons.


It is important to note that forgiveness does not mean that we do not hold the offender responsible for transgression, and it does not involve denying, ignoring, tolerating, condoning, or forgetting the offense. It also does not mean reconciliation.Forgiveness is not about accepting, giving up, surrendering to defeat, or avoiding justice. It requires gracious remembering without stirring negative emotions. It means freedom from painful thoughts and emotional turmoil.  Forgiveness is about liberating our own self and finding meaning in the worst of situations. We practice forgiveness to be free of our inner rage but we do not abandon the pursuit of right action. On the contrary we gain clear vision that allows us to take the appropriate action.


  1. ” gracious remembering without stirring negative emotions ”very well said .POSITIVE attitude helps you follow the path of forgiveness. He who understands and follows is bound to succeed in life.

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